Monday, January 9, 2012

You Walk Me on the Cookie!



In one of my older posts (What Did You Say?) from March I wrote about the troubles of travelling to a country where one doesn't speak the language. At the end of the post I shared an embarrassing moment that happened to me shortly after moving to Germany.

To give you my own example, when I first starting teaching English, I knew very little German. One night in class I brought a snack and knowing that some of the participants are very health conscious I tried to explain that there were no artificial sweeteners or preservatives. I knew the word for sweeteners but not preservatives and it wasn't in my book, so I said in a German accent “No sugar and no--preservatives?” Everyone started laughing and said “I hope not.” You see, Präservativ in German is the word for condom. When they explained what I had said, I am sure my face turned red, but I learned a new word that night...and it is one I've never forgotten.

And at some point I believe I wrote (or intended to write, if I didn't) about how one of my students, when she was living in California, ate celery stalks for the first time. Sellerie (celery root) has always been popular in Germany but celery stalks are more of a recent thing, so when Susanne was an au pair 20 years ago, it was very new to her. She noticed that many people ate celery, but the family she stayed with-- celery fanatics. She said they had it every day for lunch, dinner, even in between meals. They loved celery. She didn't realize how important celery was until she was with a neighbor, sitting, nibbling on some snacks and...celery. The neighbor suddenly lowered her voiced and asked, "Do you mind me asking you a question?" Then she continued with "Well, I was wondering....pause....how much....pause....how much celery do you get? Do they give you enough?"


Susanne immediately answered, "Oh, yes. Lots and lots of celery. Sometimes I think too much celery. Some days I get celery for breakfast, lunch, and dinner." And then the other lady just starting laughing. And laughing. And when Susanne told us this story, we were laughing as well. In fact, I think Susanne laughed the loudest. Not only is she a loud laugher by nature, but she had learned that celery and salary, though they sound very similiar are not similar at all.

There are many "false friends" in German/English translation, and not being aware of them can put you in an odd position or make you look dumb. For instance, pickle and Pickel sound alike so it would be easy for one to think they are the same. But you definitely don't want to eat a Pickel (spot or pimple or ZIT). If you falsely believe that impraegniert and impregnate are the same and translate "I have impregnated my wife" (or more commonly--I made my wife pregnant") into "Ich hab mein Frau impraegniert!" then your German friends might look at you a bit strange, because you've just announced that you have made your wife waterproof. It would be even funnier when speaking of the neighbors dog getting your dog pregnant and falsely translated into "your dog made my dog waterproof".  Saying that would really freak them out a bit.

Need to buy some fabric to sew something? Don't confuse fabric and Fabrik or you might end up spending much more money than intended. Fabrik doesn't mean fabric but factory. Stoff is the proper word for fabric. A German Chef is not a cook but your boss. If you are brav, you are not brave; brav means well-behaved. Branche is not a part of a tree but a field/line of work. A branch would be an Ast. The word Art in German means a species, sort/kind of something. One of my favorites is gift. Everyone likes to get a gift, right? Not in German. A gift or present in German is a Geschenk. The word Gift in German actually means poison. So beware! All these closely related words can cause a heap of trouble.



Another area of concern is the use of idioms or phrases that cannot be translated word for word. We don't realize all the things we say that seem like nonsense to foreign speakers/English language learners. We think nothing of saying "It's time to hit the road" but when read literally, word for word, it has a whole different meaning. It is no different for native speakers of English to encounter the same problems in German.  For instance, the title of my blog post is You Walk Me on the Cookie! This is  direct translation of the German phrase "Du geht's mir auf den Keks!" Some take it a bit further and say "Du Geht's mir tierisch auf den Keks!" (you walk me like an animal on the cookie/or in British English...on the biscuit). This phrase means "You get on my nerves" or "you are annoying me". Not good.

There are so many good ones. Did you turn off the water rooster? Water = Wasser and Hahn = rooster. However, Wasserhahn means the faucet. How they ever came up with Wasserhahn for faucet, I'll will never understand. But then again, we English speakers also have our share of crazy words. Have you ever seen butter fly? Why butterfly? Or gooseberries...now, really...what we were thinking? The German Stachelbeeren makes so much more sense.

What? Now you're going to have a "hissy-fit" because I like Stachelbeeren better than gooseberries? Ach Komm, stell dich nicht so an, oder? Directly translated that would be: Ahhh come! Stand you not so on, or? Haha...I love it...total gibberish. Komm, stell dich nicht so an, oder? means Come on. Don't act that way. Okay?

I wanted to find more funny examples and started surfing the web. I found a forum which listed many examples in the comments`.If you want to take a look, then go here. If not, I will tell you two of my favorites. The first was submitted by someone under the useer name of Baddoggie. He wrote: 

My German ex- once said, "Yes, I know it's chilly. I'm going to wear a sweater overneath this blouse."

"Overneath?"

"Yes. Overneath it. Just like the blouse is underneath the sweater."

I was howling with laughter and actually rolling on the floor as she became more and more irritated while insisting it was a word. After all, it only makes sense that if you have an underneath you must have an overneath. She looked through every dictionary in the flat and when she finally conceded, she still insisted that she was still right to use that word and English just forgot to put it in.


In German there really is a piece of clothing called a Pullunder. It is like a tank top or vest which is funny to me since you put a vest OVER your shirt and don't pull it under.

The second one I like uses the term "Scheisse bauen" which means to make trouble. Unfortunately, this person translated word for word. FrankinBechhofen wrote:

On New Years I got a call at work that some drunk soldiers were at a taxi stand. The woman said in English they were loud, drunk and making shit. At first I thought they were actually pooping on the ground, but I seem to recall a German phrase about scheisse bauen or something like that.

That one was too funny. It sort of reminds me of the English saying "When the shit hits the fan". Try explaining that one to a foreigner.

I could go on and on with examples but I think you get the idea. Maybe I'll share some another time, but for now I am going to bed. Or shall I say, "I'm gonna' hit the sack".



Good night!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Surprise, Surprise!

A week ago today I wrote a post about New Year's Resolutions. At the end I asked my readers to write some funny "I won't" resolutions. Then I ended that post with the words: Best wishes to all of you for a happy, healthy, and successful year ahead. May it be full of wonderful surprises.

I intentionally ended with "May it be full of wonderful surprises," because I had planned a surprise. From the responses I would choose my favorite one and reward that person with a little gift. Well, Tami Miller...SURPRISE! You will be receiving a box of fine European chocolates. Congratulations.

And to all my other readers, remember what Forest Gump said:  Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get.


Happy Sunday, everyone.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Year Hodgepodge

Here are my answers to the Wednesday Hodgepodge -



1. What are three words you would use to describe your 2011?

busy
busy
busy

okay, that is a bit of a cheat but the year was full of appointments and events, some more pleasant than others

2. Do you like shrimp? What's your favorite way to have it prepared?

Sure, I like it, but it isn't my favorite seafood. I like it scampi style on a platter with lobster tail, crabcrakes and broiled sea scallops. Also, my friend Ute once made a salad that was very good. It has shrimp, diced avocado, finely chopped pineapple and fresh red pepper.Tasty.

3. Is your house de-Christmased? If so, when did you tackle that job? If not, when will the decorations come down?

No. Everything is still up and will be until Epiphany on January 6th. That's how it is done in Germany. Of course, we put our trees up much later than in the U.S.  Many people do not put their tree up until Christmas Eve. 

4. Do you like to watch scary movies?

Sure. I LOVED them as a kid and more so as a teenager, a little less now. I prefer comedy and drama these days.

5. ice skating~sledding~ skiing~snowboarding...of the four listed which wintertime activity do you most enjoy?

Hmmmm...toss up between ice skating and sledding. Ice skating is fun and doesn't require me to pull things up a giant hill but sledding is a nice family activity and makes on feel like a child again.


6. Did you have a childhood hideout? Describe it.

Not really a hideout but there were fields and woods behind our house and the remnants of two torn-down buildings. I'd sometimes go out there when upset, but those fields were great to hang out no matter what mood I was in.  I also walked the dog on the paths and we often saw rabbits. Try as she might, my dog never caught one. And there were field of buttercups. And poison ivy...but we won't go into that story.

7. What's a place or space that motivates you?

Not sure. I think people and goals motivate me. It doesn't matter where I am. (Ok...Gargnano, Italy in the summer time just might do the trick)

8. Insert your own random thought here. 
Well, after question number two I am thinking I should call Ute and ask for that recipe. She showed it to me at the time, the page in the cookbook, but it was a while ago and I never got a chance to make it and even though I could just "wing it" I'd really like to have the same dressing because it was really good but can't for the life of me remember what kind of dressing it was. (not sure how random that thought is but it sure makes one hell of a run-on sentence)


Monday, January 2, 2012

How to Make Easily Obtainable New Year Resolutions

HAAAAAPPPPPPY NEEEEWWW YEEAAARR, EVERYONE!




2011 has slipped into the past and 2012 has just begun. With the coming of a new year comes new hopes and dreams, moments yet unspent, time to learn and grow. And yes, new year resolutions. Does this list look familiar?

Things to do in the new year

Eat less. 
Exercise more.
Lose weight.
Spend more time with family and friends.

Most of us have chosen one or more (if not all) of these resolutions at some point in our lives. These are the things we say we WILL DO. The day changes from December 31 to January 1 and all of a sudden we are full of inspiration and good intentions, but often times we fail. Some people think this has nothing to do with a lack of will power but rather improper wording. They recommend being more specific. For instance:

I will not snack in between meals. (yeah right)
I will go jogging before breakfast three time a week. (Except that snooze button always interferes)
By the end of the year I will wear one clothing size less than now. (But the clothing manufacturers don't cooperate. They've seemed to resize the clothing again :-)

I once read an article about a man who only wrote what he WOULDN'T do in the new year (instead of the typical "I will..."). For example:
I will not drink more than one cup of coffee a day.
I will not go to bed later than 10 PM.
 
I guess he'll just sleep more often and snore longer. But seriously, can changing your "I will"s to "I will not"s make a difference? Personally, I wasn't buying it. 

Normally I don't make resolutions on New Year's Eve. I'd given that up years ago. Instead, I make life goals that I can work up to in little steps throughout the year. I'll be honest with you though. Sometimes that even fails. This year I wanted to go back to the tradition of making resolutions but wanted to make sure I could obtain them. The question is-- how can I do that? 

Well, I have given this much thought the last week and think I have finally found a sure-fire way to make sure I can easily obtain my New Year's resolutions. I have made a list of things I definitely will not do in 2012. I hope you enjoy them.

Things I will NOT do in 2012
1. I will not eat lima beans for breakfast.
2. I will not, at any time or for any reason, drive while blindfolded.
3. I will not get breast implants.
4. I will not recite Dr. Seuss books to strangers on the train
5. I will not dye my hair any shade of green.
6. I will not wear six inch stilettos, especially while riding my bicycle.
7. I will not snore while at the fitness center.
8. I will not attempt to grow a beard.
9. I will not wear super hero underwear.
10. I will not join the Paris Hilton fan club.

I think I can manage those. Also, I hope to be a better blogger next year, posting at least once a week on one of my blogs. (What do you mean "ONE of your blogs?" Didn't you know I have more than one? There is my highly neglected Linda's Life on the Other Side which I hope to get back to this week and The Gathering of Stones blog where I post my observations for the "River of Stones". The river is flowing again this January so I will be posting daily there.) I have other personal goals for 2012 but I'll just keep those to myself and let you know when I reach them. And if I don't reach them I won't feel the need to sneak off to a corner like a dog with his tail between his legs. 

Now in the spirit of new begins, I challenge you to list three "I will not..." resolutions in the comments section of this post. Go ahead. Make them as creative as you like. Tell me I will not stalk my boss, will not fill the bathtub with chocolate milk, and will not trim my toe nails with the garden clippers. Make me smile. Make me laugh. Make me say, "Yes. I believe he/she can meet that goal in 2012."

Best wishes to all of you for a happy, healthy, and successful year ahead. May it be full of wonderful surprises.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Wednesday Hodgepodge

Click here for more info on Wednesday Hodgepodge

 Today I am taking part in Wednesday Hodgepodge. Here are this week's questions and my answers.


1. Share something you loved about your Christmas Day.

Well, we open our presents on Christmas Eve so Christmas day it more of a relaxing day. We went to church, cooked a nice meal, and just did whatever we wanted. I enjoyed having time to spend with my husband and daughter.

2. You get to put five items in a time capsule to be opened in 100 years, what items would you choose and why?

Well, what is going to last after 100 years? Yeah, yeah...I know...don't put too much thought into it, just answer the dang question. OK. Let's say this is a time capsule that stays within the family. I would put in a copy of the family tree, newspaper clippings, photos, a journal, family recipes. Yeah, I know...not very creative but what do you want from me? It's almost midnight and I want to go to bed.

3. What do you like on a cracker?

Lots of things. Cheese. Hummus. Mushroom spread. Peanut butter. 

4. Do you make resolutions at the start of a new year? How'd that work out for you this past year?

Yes, I do but never expect them to work. This year was not a complete success in that respect but also not a complete failure. I made it part way to my goal.

5. What's a song or song lyric you'll associate with 2011? 
Hmmmm...I love music so not just one but many different songs come to mind. Picking just one is an impossible task. I'll give you two for starters:

English song: Christina Perri's "Jay of Hearts"
I love the line "you're gonna' catch a cold from the ice in your soul"







German song: Andreas Bourani's "Nur in Meinen Kopf"



 

6. How will you ring in the new year?

Each New Year's Eve we celebrate by making raclette, shooting off fireworks, and enjoying a bit of bubbly. 
7. What is something you look forward to in 2012?

Each new day :-)

8. Insert your own random thought here.

No wisdom here this evening. All I keep thinking is "what am I going to cook tomorrow?" Eggplant rollotini? Curried chicken and rice? Bouillabaisse? Help me out. You can leave your suggestions in the comments section.

That's all for now. Good night!

************

Head over to Joyce (http://joyce-fromthissideofthepond.blogspot.com/) to check out more about Wednesday Hodgepodge.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Time again for January Stones

Would you like a 2012 with more colour, more clarity, more deliciousness?

During January, Kaspa and Fiona Robyn from ‘Writing Our Way Home’ will be encouraging you to pay attention to one thing every day and write it down.  You don’t have to be a writer to take part. You just need to have three minutes to spare a day, and a notebook or a blog, and the desire to slow down and fall in love with the world a day at a time.


Here you can find one of my favorite "stones" from last January.
 

Interested in opening your eyes to the world? Do jump here to find out more. Kaspa and Fiona hope to see you join in the river of stones. Here’s how last year’s "small-stoners" found the experience:

“I have to tell you, readers, I have loved writing a small stone every day for the last 31 days. It’s the most glorious exercise in mindfulness, in pulling yourself into this moment, and if you haven’t tried it yet please give it a go, if only for a week.”
~Rachel Hawes, writer of small stones


“…I keep finding that [writing a small stone] doesn’t eat up time or mental space; on the contrary, time stops and a new space is created.”
~Jean Morris, writer of small stones

 

“Writing small observations daily was like a spiritual experience for me. I felt happy, joyous and free. I looked forward to my daily meditation. As a result, I feel awakened and alive; and I am truly thankful.”
~Laurie Kolp, writer of small stones

The Language>Place Blog Carnival - Edition #12 (Food)


 
It was a pleasure to be the host for the "Food" issue of Language>Place. I received a variety of links, some which are directly related to a specific food, others feature food in a broader sense, and some merely make reference to a food. The contributors this month offer us visual posts, true stories, flash fiction, and poetry--something for everyone.

I'm not going to waste space with a lengthy introduction. After all, does a mother offer a long description or explanation when serving something new? Of course, not. She just says "Try it." So dig in! We've got a smorgasbord of delights for you to sample.


                                    Starters 


Terri French (The Mulling Muse) tells us the story “Cóndor azúcar” which takes place in Peru. It features a young boy, a mighty condor, and granular goodness.


In "Jogged Memory", Sandra Davies (lines of communication)  shares her thoughts on the discovery of an old photograph  of her Sunday lunch.  I won't reveal what she had for lunch, but what a lovely picture it is.


Jonathon Khoo (Things that Make me Go Hmmm), has tried anything from wax moth larvae tacos in California to blood sausages in Germany, but the best meal he's ever eaten was in India. Find out why it haunts him today.


Former resident of Puerto Vallarta, Margo Jodyne Dills (It's Always Something) shares her poem “The Secret Life of Jasmin Garcia Guadalupe” which features “one small plastic bag filled with water, nectar, jarabe,” and a whole lot more.


Smoky Mezcal, anyone? Steve Wing (Delinquent Dispatch) shows us the variety of foods offered at a market in Oaxaca.
  
Brigita Orel (Do the Write Thing) shares her flash fiction piece entitled "Language Misadventures." Lavender, parsley, basil, and other herbs appear in this Danish/Slovenian story.


Stefan Hofke (My European Life) highlights the Swabian pretzel (Brezel) which can be eaten at any time of the day.


                                                      Entrees

  
Michelle Elvy (Glow Worm) shares memories of her years spent sailing in Mexico, experimenting with Mexican chilies, and one hot and spicy situation you might want to avoid.


Ever gone fishing for herring eggs? If not, let Vivian Faith Prescott (Planet Alaska) explain how it works. “This is the same technique that my husband's and my children's Tlingit ancestors have used for thousands of years.“

Marilyn Braendeholm (Misks Cooks) explains why she no longer hates a certain food. This post comes complete with a recipe for one of my favorite European breakfasts, photos of Hannover-Müenden in Germany, and a Danish translation.


In Repas d'un midi lointain, Jean Morris (Tasting Rhubarb) shares memories of culinary and emotional life in France in the 1970s. The menu includes spicy sausages cooked long and slowly with finely sliced white cabbage and juniper berries.


"Rain, darkness, more or less constant wind, difficult food." That is what Beth Adams (The Cassandra Pages) heard about life and cuisine in Iceland before her visit. Join her as she recalls the culinary adventures (with wonderful photos) of Hákarl, grilled seabird, and even smoked puffin.
  
Dorothee Lang (Life as a Journey) offers an e-flection on multicultural mockings that starts with depictions of racism, and moves on to ethnical food, blacks and whites of thought and skin colour, to shades of political correctness and situational incorrectness.


What do Twain, Italy, and Tabasco have in common? They are all featured in the post "A curious old town" by Parmanu. A nice read with great visuals. I especially love the picture of the Italian woman taking a photo of herself.
  

Food as fish bait for learning? Laurie Kolp (Conversations with a Cardinal) shows how one can use food to teach children acceptance.  "Exposure to different kinds of food not only enriches our cultural awareness, but it also brings us together for a bigger purpose; peace."
   
Whenever a family member travelled, the first question always asked the traveler upon return was "What did you eat?" Whether it be creole shrimp, Indian curry, or Brunswick stew laced with squirrel, Linda Wastila (Left Brain Right) says her love of all things edible comes from her parents.


 Rouch Swalwe  (Fünffingerplätze) tells us about a special birthday, a cocotte ronde, and a bird tale, complete with photo of tasty chicken.

Delicious cornbread filled with arepa, cheese, beans, avocado, plantains and other vegetarian ingredients. Christopher Allen (I Must be Off!) shows us that finding a gluten-free lunch in London is not as hard as it seems.


The interview post "I just want to buy a sandwich" gives us a glimpse into the life of Nine (Abyssinia Henry) and discusses travel, heartache and his dire need of an "f'n sandwich".

 
Christiane Alsop (Beyond the Margins) introduces us to a fun word play with translation. Try doing this with a sentence or paragraph from one of the other carnival contributions.
              


                                                     Desserts


Rose Hunter (Fotos del Dia) shares a poem that takes place in Acapulco. Included are jittering coffee cups and one very special man.


Siddartha Beth Pierce has a mix of items-- artwork and two poems. One features fresh blueberries, cabernet sauvignon, and cherry-stained mouths.



                                                  Beverages


There is a symbiosis hard to explain.” Judy Roney (I'd Like to Say) shares her poem about writing in a coffee shop.


Sonnet Mondal (Sonnet Mondal's Official Website) tells us about more than Bengali tea in the poem “The tea stall outside the university”. 


Not only does Stella Pierides offer us a haiku about ruby wine, she also has 16 other food related haiku in her post.


****************************************************************************


Call Edition #13 
 
Edition #13 will be hosted by writer and Lebenskünstler Christopher Allen. A native Tennessean, Christopher has lived in Germany for more than fifteen years. When he’s not editing, teaching or writing fiction, he blogs about his travels at I Must Be Off! The feature theme for Edition #13 is “Lost in Translation: The Humo(u)r Edition". Submissions are open Dec 1-Jan 8. Posts should be humorous, on the theme of humour, an attempt at humour, or even a blatant rejection of humour. Your post can be prose, poetry, photos, jokes—but as always, a wide range of contributions is welcome. Edition #13 is planned for mid-January 2012: Guidelines.